


CAN YOU TURN AROUND?

by taexual



Series: GOT7 by taexual [4]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 08:46:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19373269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taexual/pseuds/taexual
Summary: [fem!reader]it’s your first birthday after you and yugyeom broke up, and you come to learn that unconscious birthday wishes have a funny way of coming true when you least expect it.based on "wait" by maroon 5





	CAN YOU TURN AROUND?

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: ANGST! + some strong language

You and Yugyeom have dated for over a year before you broke up. To be fair, it was you who initiated the break-up – and you did feel guilty about the look on Yugyeom’s face after you said your final words – but you knew you weren’t the reason why your relationship ended and you couldn’t blame yourself after all that you had to endure in the last few months leading up to the break-up.

You barely had any contact with Yugyeom. You never knew where he was and, while you were more than willing to give him as much space as he needed, it did get stressful when you’d send him a text asking where he was and he’d only reply three days later, letting you know that he was “chilling at home wbu?”

The worst thing about this was that you were actually naïve enough to expect Yugyeom to put up a fight when you told him the two of you needed to stop seeing each other. Dating for a year seemed like more than enough time to get used to each other’s presence and have a hard time imagining your lives without each other, and yet, as soon as you told him you could no longer continue living like this, for the first time in his life probably, Yugyeom had reacted completely rationally.

He let you leave.

He could clearly see that you’d set your mind on this – and he knew that you never made important decisions without thinking long and hard about them, so the thought of changing your mind hadn’t even occurred to him – and he saw no point in protesting. He’d messed up and ruined this relationship by neglecting you until you couldn’t take it anymore, and there wasn’t much he could have said to fix this in that moment.

He couldn’t find the right words to say to you and saying whatever he could come up with just for the sake of saying _something_ would have been like putting a bandage on an open wound – it’d only stop the bleeding for two seconds before making it all so much worse.

That was probably why – for the few upcoming weeks after the break-up – you had dreams about your last conversation with Yugyeom ending differently. Your mind would conjure up images of him begging you not to go, even falling to his knees after you refused to listen to him. You’d dream of hearing him apologize for every single thing he’s done wrong and then he would promise you to try harder in the future.

You never dreamt about your response to him, though. Perhaps, even in deep slumber, your mind was able to realize just how unrealistic Yugyeom’s pleads were – he had too much pride and not enough patience – and it couldn’t even begin to imagine what you could have said to him.

The second chance for your and Yugyeom’s future only existed in the form of a dream and that said more than enough about the state of your relationship when you ended it.

“Good morning, my love!” your mother’s voice suddenly called out and you heard the door of your room throw itself open as she walked in, a bright smile on her face and the most elegantly decorated cupcake on a plate in her hands, a lonely candle lit on top. “Happy birthday.”

All you really wanted to do was just bury your head in a pile of pillows like an animated distressed ostrich, but you couldn’t do that to your mother. She put up with your mood swings ever since you left Yugyeom, never once complaining about how untidy your room was – since you refused to leave it – keeping you company and talking your ear off about everything that did not involve your ex-boyfriend instead.

You were grateful for her and that’s why you forced yourself to smile and accept her kindness.

“Make a wish,” she insisted after approaching your bed with the cupcake.

You weren’t sure if she knew just how pointless her request was – judging from the hopeful smile on her face, she might have known but was hoping _you_ didn’t – because, at this point, there wasn’t much you could have wished for and then actually expected it to come true.

Still choosing to play along, you purposefully left your mind blank – because your traitor brain immediately flashed images of Yugyeom as soon as you thought of anything you might have wanted – and then blew out the candle, giving your mother a grateful look once the smell of melted wax reached your senses.

“Thank you,” you told her. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Of course, I did,” she replied, pulling the candle out and placing the plate with the cupcake on the night stand next to your bed. “I’ve left your gift for you in the bathroom – unpack it as soon as you see it, okay? I want you to wear it tonight.”

“I… thank you,” you felt your stomach sink at the mention of the celebratory dinner you’d planned for your birthday months ago. Back then, you still had pathetic hopes of fixing your relationship with Yugyeom. But right now you weren’t sure if you could handle the empty seat next to you the whole night. “B-but, mom, I’m—I don’t really feel like going anywhere. Do you think canceling would—”

“—absolutely not work,” she finished for you, suddenly sounding a lot stricter. It would appear as though she was done giving you free passes while you moped in your room every day. She still saw your troubled eyes, however, and immediately understood every concern you had. “Look, sweetheart, I know this seems like the most difficult thing in the world right now. But you have to go out or the both of us will end up watching re-runs of Friends every night for years to come.”

“That doesn’t sound that bad.”

She gave you a smile. “I love you. But that’s not what you want to be doing every night for the rest of your life.”

You looked away, thinking that there was a chance your mother’s sixth sense – the same one that nearly every mother had when it came to her children –  could have known more about what would happen tonight than you did. Perhaps she thought that seeing your friends would magically break you out of the chains of sorrow and you’d no longer want to stay holed up in your room.

“Try the cupcake, baby,” your mother said, bringing her hand through your hair and leaning in to place a kiss on your forehead. “And get ready, yeah? I want to see you try your gift on.”

Sighing, you looked at her one more time – not trying the puppy-eye approach voluntarily but still hoping that your sad eyes would convince her to let you stay home tonight instead – and, after noticing the love and support on her face, decided to nod. She was just looking out for you and she thought going out would help. You couldn’t let her down and had to, at least, _try_ to finally leave your room.

“Okay,” you said quietly. “Thank you, mom. I love you.”

* * *

 

For the first time in your life, you were looking at your reflection in the mirror and you could not recognize what you were seeing. The dress your mother – the only person who knew you better than you knew yourself – had gotten you for your birthday was red. _Blood_ red. Scarlet. And it sparkled.

You have never– _not once_ –worn a dress this eye-catching before. You’ve gone out in clothing that could have been considered skimpy by some before, but you always stuck with colors that matched your skin-tone and never made you stand out from the crowd too much. Low necklines and short skirts already attracted enough attention as it was, you didn’t need to add so much glitter into the mix.

And there you were now – a stripe of see-through lace decorating the front of the red dress, revealing glimpses of the bralette you were wearing, and ending just around your waist, where a tight, glittering skirt finished the dress off. It hugged your curves in a way that wasn’t too obvious but rather just tight enough to accentuate the shape of your body while hiding the parts you were the most insecure about.

The dress looked good – your mother had incredible taste, you’d only hoped you inherited that from her – and, for the briefest moment—until your mind returned to the pointlessness of reality—it made you _feel_ good, too.

But it was red and it was still somewhat of a statement piece – in comparison to the sweats you’d planned to wear tonight, at least – and you could not wear it at the dinner tonight. If you did, your outfit would be telling everyone that you’d moved on and that you were living your life, completely unbothered by the living shadows of your ex-boyfriend. You did not think you had enough strength to act like the dress required you to act.

Although absolutely gorgeous, the dress did not liberate your mind from the prison of misery.

“How does that dress look, sweetheart?” your mother called out from behind the door of the bathroom

You gave your reflection a once-over before replying.

“Beautiful,” you answered truthfully. “But I can’t wear it.”

“Why not?” she asked, her voice falling.

You cringed at yourself for clearly letting her down and then struggling to find an explanation that would have made sense. You just wouldn’t have been able to match your face to the dress, no matter how hard you tried.

“I’m—it’s not—I just—” hiccuping suddenly once you felt the ball of anxiety inside of your throat turn into tears, you heard your mother enter the bathroom and sigh – not to show you that she was disappointed but to let you know that your sadness always broke her heart – before walking over to wrap her arms around you.

“Baby, you look perfect,” she whispered, not even having taken a good look at you. But she didn’t need to – you were her child and you were the most beautiful. “You don’t need to have any expectations for yourself tonight. Just wear the dress and be yourself. You don’t have to laugh if you don’t feel like laughing.”

She knew what was wrong before you got a chance to tell her and that made you cry even harder. You were glad she wasn’t asking anything because you still couldn’t explain to her how disappointed you were that you allowed Yugyeom to leave after tearing the broken remains of your relationship down and taking your ability to compose yourself with him.

You felt like a shadow of yourself without him. You didn’t want to admit it, but you still needed him so much.

“It’ll be alright,” your mother’s soothing voice whispered as she held you, wishing more than anything to take your pain away from you. “I promise you, sweetheart. Evererything will return to its place and it’ll no longer feel like the world is turning but you’re not moving with it. Do you hear me? You will be okay.”

Each word she said worked on the sea of pain inside of your chest, calming the sobbing waves down until your breathing slowly started to stabilize and you felt the warmth of her arms embrace you, forcing your mind to take a break from the constant buzzing of electrifying thoughts.

“Now come on, baby,” she said, pulling away and gently wiping the tears away from your cheeks. “Get ready to go out and show the world that you can still kick ass no matter what’s thrown at you.”

You let out a chortled cough, smiling at her out of gratitude, and then, finally, using your mother’s support, you got yourself together for this one night. You could go back to sulking and overthinking later. Tonight was your birthday and you owed your mother—and yourself, too—at least one night without any pain.

* * *

 

You weren’t that surprised about your dress reflecting every light inside of the restaurant and causing people to stop and stare as you walked past them – shining as if the northern star had just decided to take a day off to take you out for a stroll – but you knew that was just the dress. If people could have seen what you were feeling inside right then, they would have noticed a hollow carcass with a—barely—beating heart beneath the fancy wrapping your mother had given you for your birthday.

The thing that surprised you instead was actually your mind. Seeing your friends – and hearing them sing the most off-key version of the Happy Birthday song you’ve ever head – and getting to banter with them again made you genuinely laugh for the first time in weeks. You did not think that was possible after your little breakdown in the bathroom earlier that day and you found yourself clinging onto this moment with all of your strength.

When you felt your cheeks hurt from all of the laughter — your face had clearly forgotten what it felt like to be happy — you turned to look at your mother only to see tears glistening in her happy eyes. She was so proud to finally see you smiling, she couldn’t control her emotions. Only after she noticed that you were looking at her, she gave you a reassuring smile, brought her fingers over her eyes to stop the tears from coming, and carried on with her conversation with one of your friends.

The night was beautiful. It was so much better than you could have ever expected it to be. For once in your life, you allowed yourself to forget your problems and it had worked.

For the first few hours, at least.

As you talked to your best friend, waiting for the waiters to bring in the cake, you could almost feel the atmosphere darken. Unsure if it was the anxiety creeping in earlier than you’d expected or if it was the dread of something actually going wrong–or maybe it was both–you looked behind yourself until your eyes landed on your heartbreaking past and your canceled future.

Suddenly, Yugyeom was your present, too, as he watched you from across the room, not daring to approach you.

“Is that–shit! Did someone invite him?” your best friend asked, her eyes wide. You felt your lungs give in. “Do you want me to handle him? Should I call security or—”

“No,” you said breathlessly, grabbing her hand for one last moment of comfort before you took a step towards something that could potentially end the fantastic night you’ve been having and send you into another lonely episode which you’d spend locked inside of your bedroom. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Are you sure?” your friend asked one more time.

“Yeah,” you replied. You couldn’t ignore the invisible pull you felt towards Yugyeom. Even if you knew you’d never be able to go back to your party in the same cheerful mood as before, you would have still dropped everything and ran to him. “I’ll be right back.”

You couldn’t see the look in his eyes as you approached him – your heart beating as if you were walking towards an electric chair on the day of your death penalty – but you could tell that he was looking at you, making you hyper-aware of each of your movements.

You stopped in front of him, expecting him to say something but only hearing silence. Choosing to clear it before the silence got too awkward to handle, you spoke up.

“Why are you here?” you asked, not trying to make it seem as though you’d assumed he was here for you. It was possible that the universe had decided to play a cruel joke on you and sent Yugyeom here to have dinner by himself – or with someone else. Your heart clenched painfully at the latter, though, so you chose not to give it any more thought.

“I—uh, it’s your birthday,” Yugyeom replied and the sound of his voice sent the waves of your pulse ringing all throughout your body. You swore you could feel your heartbeat in your shaky hands when you crossed your arms over your chest. “You look beautiful. I-I’ve never seen you wear anything like this before.”

He didn’t answer your question – although he thought he did; clearly, he had no other business being here – but you didn’t want to repeat it so you waited for him to continue, trying not to replay his comment about your appearance in your mind.

Remaining quiet for another few moments, Yugyeom was truly testing your ability to stay on your feet in his presence.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” he finally managed to tear his eyes away from your dress – it was so unlike you and yet, at the same time, it was _all_ you – and then proceeded, “I didn’t want to call you because I felt like that would have been unfair. I-I wanted to come over but… I’m sure your mother would have kicked me out. I see her giving me a dirty look right now, so, uh, I guess I was right.”

You glanced over your shoulder to see your mother staring at the boy in front of you. She looked so surprised to see him here, she didn’t even notice you look at her.

“She just wasn’t expecting to see you here,” you gave Yugyeom a lame excuse in return to his equally as stupid one.

He didn’t want to call you because it would have been “unfair”? The only unfair thing about this situation was that you’d spent the past few weeks crying your eyes out about something you’ve wasted your time on for over a year while Yugyeom did nothing and then had the audacity to come back into your life when you had finally understood that you were going to have to find a way to survive without him.

“I know. And I probably shouldn’t have come,” he said, looking down at the pale gray tiles of the restaurant. After counting the three tiles between the two of you – you’ve never stood so far from him when you two were talking, not even during your break-up – he finally dared to continue. “You see, the thing is, uh… I can’t seem to live without you.”

If this was a dream, you would have already teared up, swallowing every word he said until it filled your empty heart with the comfort you were so desperately seeking. This was real, though – Yugyeom was indeed standing in front of you, looking at you with an unseen amount of pain in his eyes – but all you wanted to do was wake up.

“You… you lived without me just fine,” you told him, the coldness of your words akin to a stab right into his heart. He took it lying down because he knew he deserved it. “In all the months before we broke up… you were more than just fine without me.”

“I know,” he couldn’t recognize his own voice as the memory of your last goodbye set his mind on fire even after he thought he’d drowned the painful memories of you in countless glasses of whatever alcohol he could find. “And that’s why I hate myself the most. I took you for granted when I had you. I thought I’d always have you to come back to, and now… I don’t. I don’t have you anymore.”

You were biting your lip so hard, you could already taste the first drops of blood on your tongue.

His words seemed to echo everything he’s said to you in the various dreams you’ve had about him and yet it all sounded completely different in real life. The situation was still almost surreal and you wanted to pinch yourself ever since you first saw him tonight, but you knew what the difference between your dreams and reality was – you could never reply to him in your dreams.

Apparently, among other things that he took from you when he left, Yugyeom also stole your voice. And tonight, he’d finally brought it back to you.

“I love you, you know,” you said to him, proving to yourself that you were not sleeping and were, in fact, completely in control of yourself even if it felt like you were watching this situation unfold from the sidelines. “But I never knew if _you_ loved me.”

“I _do_ love you,” he responded, giving his words to you along with your broken heart that he’d tried to put back together so it’d beat for him again. “I always have. I’m sorry I never learned how to show it.”

Closing your eyes, because you were afraid to look at him and see a reflection of yourself, you shook your head, causing your already dizzy mind to have an even harder time deciphering your unstable mountain of thoughts.

There were so many things you wanted to say to him but, at the same time, a part of you considered him unworthy of your words. He’s had weeks – no, _months,_ if you counted all the time he spent away from you preceding the break-up – to come forth and explain himself to you. And now, even though he _finally_ decided to talk to you, nothing he was saying justified all the pain he made you go through.

“Did I do something wrong?” you decided to ask. Perhaps you could turn this around and get some closure so your exhausted heart could finally calm down when you were left alone with nothing but time to overthink. “I-I mean, was there something in me that you wanted to get away from?”

“No,” Yugyeom replied to your question, answering it as if you’d asked him what two times two was. You weren’t sure if his quick reaction was genuine, however. “I was just stupid. I thought I needed some space or something—I-I don’t know. I swear, there was never anything wrong with you and you never had anything I’d want to escape from. If anything, my escape was _you_. It’s just that… I guess, for a while, I thought I didn’t need to escape from anything.”

It’d have taken your breath away if he said this weeks ago. But seeing him confess his feelings to you and continuously apologize so many times in your dreams gave you expectations that were probably unfair to Yugyeom. Then again, let’s be honest, nothing about the end of your relationship had been fair to either of you, so you did not give in to the lingering guilt.

“So, I’ve been a temporary distraction from the reality of your life,” you concluded and Yugyeom found himself looking for a way to correct you without yelling in desperation about how much he regretted the past few months of his life. “Why are you here then? Why did you decide to show up after I gave you the permission to no longer report everything back to me?”

“I never—fuck, I’m sorry,” he gave up. He always did; he constantly thought you wouldn’t listen to his explanations and he would just end up wasting his breath, never realizing just how much you needed him to tell you his side of the story. “I fucked up over and over again and you didn’t deserve any of that. You have no idea how sorry I am for everything I’ve—”

“Then tell me,” you cut him off, your eager tone surprising him. You had no time to listen to him beat himself up when you’ve waited—and dreaded—for so long to finally hear him speak up. “For once in your life, actually talk to me instead of hoping we’ll move past whatever happened just because you found enough courage to show up and see me.”

“I-I don’t know how,” he admitted, the soft skin of his face turning itself light pink. “I don’t know if there’s anything I could say to you that would fix this. I don’t want to waste your time.”

“If you think you’re wasting my time—or is it _your_ time you’re wasting, really?—then why are you here?” you accused, suddenly wondering if you were asking too much of him. If you required him to fight for you and your relationship in ways that he couldn’t, he had every right to walk away and you wouldn’t have been able to blame him for it.

But Yugyeom kept on standing. “I’m here because I love you. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t really matter what we want,” you told him, realizing you’ve been gripping the sequined sleeve of your dress so hard, it had left sharp, glittering marks on the pillows of your fingers. “I surely never wanted to get my heart broken but here we are.”

Yugyeom’s lungs felt empty no matter how many times he inhaled and he was starting to fear that the more times he opened his mouth to say the wrong thing, the fewer chances he had of ever remembering how to breathe again.

“My heart broke, too,” he whispered, slowly suffocating under your cold gaze. He deserved it. He deserved _all_ of it – but he still wasn’t prepared for your icy exterior. He felt stupid for never realizing that the fire he’d once ignited inside of you burned out as soon as he allowed you to leave. “But I don’t care about that, all of it is my fault anyway. I put you through much more than anyone should handle in a relationship. We should have dealt with our problems together and, instead of that, I left you to handle everything alone. No, but that’s not right—I didn’t leave you alone, I _turned_ into the problem you had to handle alone. I’m sorry.”

You looked down, introducing yourself to the floor of the restaurant that Yugyeom had stared at before while he tried to confront his emotions, and then – as the tears presented themselves completely uninvited – released the breath you’d been holding, not realizing how much Yugyeom longed to feel it, how much he wanted your air to fill his lungs.

“I’m not putting you on the spot – or, at least, I hope I’m not – and I don’t need you to tell me you forgive me,” he continued shakily. You raised your confused eyes to his. “I came here to tell you that I love you and to let you know that I won’t be letting you go. I can only do that much. The other decisions are all yours and I won’t be forcing you to make them right now.”

“Yugyeom—”

“It’s your birthday today,” he added, not letting you cut in.

Before you could try to speak again, he reached his hand into the inner pocket of his leather jacket – immediately, you realized how cold he must have been to wear this light material over himself in the brutal rain outside –  and then slowly lowered himself to his knees in front of you.

The sudden movement shocked you so much, you heard yourself gasp. Not even the memory of seeing him in this exact position in your dreams helped you fight the surprise off.

“W-what—?” you started to say but could not find it in yourself to finish the question as your eyes followed Yugyeom while he pulled out a small box from his pocket.

The velvet box felt soft under his fingers as he opened it, not daring to look up at you just yet.

“I got you this ages ago,” he confessed while your throat closed up at the sight of a glimmering white gold ring inside of the box. “It’s a promise ring,” he explained and then pulled the collar of his t-shirt down to reveal a chain around his neck, an identical ring hanging from it. “I’ve got mine here.”

After clearing your throat in hopes of it helping you get the words out, you nearly joined him on your knees on the floor as you whispered, “what are you promising me?”

“My life. My _whole_ life. It’s yours—all of it,” he said. “I-I would love it if you kept it. But if you’d rather throw it away, I will understand. My ring is meant to accompany yours – it doesn’t mean much if yours doesn’t exist but… it’s a way for me to always keep you close to my heart.”

You could faintly feel the tears falling down your face but you could not focus on anything other than Yugyeom and the decision he’d made to mend your broken relationship – you’ve never dreamt of him doing this. You didn’t think he’d have it in him to consider something that was so thoughtful and so obviously long-term after nearly losing every shot at a future with you.

“Why?” you asked, unsure if you were still standing or if you’d turned into a puddle of messy emotions that were swirling around inside of you. “Why do you want to give me this?”

“Because I don’t care about myself without you,” he said, speaking your mind with his words and describing your feelings with his emotions.

Your shaky hands reached for the ring inside of the box, slowly pulling it out of its velvet confines. Your blurry vision demanded the ring to be brought closer to your face so you could inspect it but the tears nearly started to stream down your face in an overwhelming shower of pain when you noticed the first letters of your and Yugyeom’s names engraved on the inside of the ring.

He watched you watch the ring, his hands shaking in trepidation. You were so close to putting it on your finger, he could suddenly feel his own ring leave a burning mark on his chest. It was as if Yugyeom was anticipating for the rings to take full effect – and that would never happen if you never put it on – and his entire life depended on your next actions.

You finally looked at him, your teary gaze catching him off guard. He hadn’t even realized how quiet the restaurant was all of a sudden, as if everyone here was holding their breaths just like he was.

“I never wanted to lose you,” you admitted, picking up the shards of your broken heart and piercing it back together with each confession the two of you shared with each other. “I wanted to be with you forever.”

He was standing in the blink of an eye. His hands were on yours even faster and his fingers – cold and trembling, but still hopeful – slipped the ring on your fourth finger while your eyes watched his concentrated features, not a single cell in your body protesting against this.

He never meant to make any decisions for you – he’s told you that – but he was afraid he was going to die if he didn’t take the risk of putting the ring on your finger himself. You weren’t hesitating – he knew you well enough to recognize doubt and he couldn’t see it on your face, – so maybe you were just waiting for him to prove to you that he wasn’t going to ask for your permission to fight for you because, finally, he was truly dedicated to make up for everything that had gone wrong before.

“I will be yours forever,” Yugyeom swore, holding your hand with one of his hands and clutching the promise ring on the chain around his neck in his other one. He was never going to let go. “I promise.”


End file.
